why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
