I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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