dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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