I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize