she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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