my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
