I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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