Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
