We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
