I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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