i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
