Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
only if we run a train.
done.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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