we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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