That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
