I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So many bounce houses so little time
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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