I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Text me some of your sweat
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
