You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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