Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
