I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
