she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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