I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish you could order shots online.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
