plz talk dirty to me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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