Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
