No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
