Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
