But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize