Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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