You just made me feel so damn special
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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