Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
