the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize