I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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