They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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