Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
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