sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
