I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
