What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
