I'm so fucking centered right now
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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