What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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