This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
