Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize