Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm both gender and math confused
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
