she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
