last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize