hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
