Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
