if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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