like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
