so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
