We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
