Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize