Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
