One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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