Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
