Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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