Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
