You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
