My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize