I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
