she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He felt like a one man threesome
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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