So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
