that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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