I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
