piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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