What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
