I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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