no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
