New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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