ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
