You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
