I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
