Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
