New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
