He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize