And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
