Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize