Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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