Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize