just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We were destined to go to rehab together
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize