so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
