dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
